How do I get my lover to do that?

How do I get my lover to do that?

Kneeling Madonna, Acrylic PaintingHow exactly do I get my lover to do that?

There’s probably something you want more of, need more of, want to do more of, give more of. In fact, I can absolutely guarantee you that there is. Since my late teens life has presented me with the role I was meant to play, love guru. I have been a love coach, sex advice giver and people have been sharing their sexy hopes and dreams for as long as I can remember, and there’s one thing that has been a recurring theme. I wish he’d do more of…. I wish she’d do that again. How do you think I could ask him to try…

There are a lot of factors that go into successful relationships, but mark my words

Sex can make or break your love life.

You are not the only one wishing you could get him to do “that” more.

Now, I won’t go through the lists of “that” right away, because it really doesn’t matter. Whether it’s gentle touching, kissing, hair pulling, oral or anal – there’s a whole spectrum and it doesn’t matter where you fall. It’s profoundly simple, you need to ask in a way that your mate is willing to hear you. There are simple steps to getting what your want.

  1. Create a safe and inspiring place.
  2. Paint a compelling picture.
  3. Ask directly.
  4. Thank and ask again.

Earlier this afternoon I participated in a Huff Post Live segment with the incomparable Nancy Redd and the nearly incomparable Steve Harvey. I went for the gullet and asked him what women should do to get their mates to mate more to their liking. He offered a response that I would absolutely support.

In the cool of the night, when you aren’t mad, when you aren’t before or after sex, when you are both calm – tell him about that time he did something that drove you wild. There’s ego involved in love making, ladies. Men want positive affirmations and encouragement and they want to know it’s about them.

“Honey, the other night when your hand got caught in my hair when we were making love, it was really powerful and sexy. I never knew I’d want you to do that… but could you try it again some time?” (Goal: Hair Pulling and Gentle Restraining)

“Baby, one time not long ago when we were making love, you kind of slid against my clit and I never realized how powerful it was to have stimulation like that while you were inside of me. Would you maybe want to see if you could do that again?” (Goal: Simultaneous Clitoral and Vaginal Stimulation)

But what if you’d like to introduce something you’ve never done together before?

There’s a lot of nervousness when it comes to introducing new activities. One part shame, one part fear of rejection and most of us are left without the courage to ask to try something new. Here’s the shocking news…


(yes, I’m shouting)

So how do we introduce things a little saucier…. Oral, Anal, Tying Her Up, Blindfolds….. While I appreciate Mr. Harvey’s advice that we can gently mislead our lovers into remembering something that never happened, if he hasn’t tied you up – he’s not going to suddenly remember it.

We must maintain the same level of cherished respect and flirtatious seduction, but in my opinion, it starts earlier than the cool of the night. It starts with you learning about what it is you want, finding pictures, movies (not necessarily porn), books that reference the things you want. Then you start suggesting. You need to paint a picture for them and help them know where they fit in. Ladies, men are occasionally shy for sure, but they are also incredibly proud of their prowess. Embrace that pride. You simply must.

“Baby, I have always been shy to ask for this, but you make me feel so sexy and playful, I’d like to try blindfolds (or toys) this weekend.” (Goal: Blindfolds and Toy Play)

“My love, you are such an amazing provider, father, and husband. I look at you every day and admire the power you have. Would you be willing to bring that power into our bedroom and maybe tie me up?” (Goal: Bondage & Restraint Play)

“Darling, I am so madly in love with you and I want to express it more. Would you be willing to let me go down on you tonight while you go down on me?” (Goal: Oral Sex, 69, New Positions)

Delight WIpes Flirt Cards - Ask Me

You can expand from there. Growing your relationship with your sexual partner is perhaps your MOST IMPORTANT job. Truthfully, a happy bed will lead to a happy home and a more supportive environment for personal success. Better sex lives lead to more financial success. It’s true. You must care for your needs and your lover’s and together you will grow.

Let's Get StickyNow, if you are still a little befuddled about how to start the conversation about that secret desire for chocolate drizzled all over your body and licked off in candlelight, just send this post onto your mate.

My command to you all this holiday weekend is to engage in the cool of the night to make the heat of the night as passionate as you can. Go forth my darlings and #MakeLoveMore





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