This past weekend I headed up to San Francisco to attend Science Hack Day – a two-day hackathon run by some pretty genius people. The point of this gathering to use science to solve some of the world’s problems. Projects taking on physics research documentation, coral reef protection, and climate change were entirely inspired. I showed up to expand myself a little bit and come up with ideas on how we can use science to hack love.
Along with a bunch of truly intelligent and engaged people, we took on the issue of how to get more people to use coconut oil as a sexual lubricant. Needless to say, my corner got lots of visitors between the wafting scent of pure coconut oil and vanilla. We talked about the science behind aphrodisiac scents, the properties of coconut oil in its various stages, and ultimately other ways to hack sex and love.
If you want to see my conclusions on the weekend, check out the hack presentation on lovesummers.com
It got me thinking though that there are very few love hack lists out there. Sex is an intimidating subject but it continues to be an incredibly important topic of review.
After ending a pretty painful marriage, which was almost entirely void of intimacy, I realized how critical good sex and intimate respect it is to marital success. I spend the majority of my life coming up with ideas for love hacks to increase intimacy and enhance relationships, so here are my top five Sexy Love Hacks.
Sexy Love Hack Number 1 Sleep Naked
Not only is it well reported that couples that sleep naked have greater intimacy and more sex, I believe that even if you are single you should sleep naked alone! Apparently, according to a 2012 study, only eight percent of Americans sleep nude. I’d like to change that and bring that number up a percent or two
I spent 40 days in a self imposed man hiatus when I was trying to figure out who I was post divorce and the only rule was that every single night I needed to sleep naked wearing nothing but Chanel No. 5. I learned more about sensuality, self-intimacy, self-care in those 40 days and believe me, sleeping with anything on now seems ridiculous. I felt stronger, sexier, better rested and powerful.
Here’s one bit of science behind it. In order to sleep best, you need to cool down. A healthy Circadian rhythm requirement is the natural cooling of a body. Wearing PJs won’t allow your body to do that as well.
Sleeping naked is my number 1 sexy love hack.
Sexy Love Hack #2 – Use Coconut Oil as an intimate lubricant.
I struggle with UTIs and Yeast infections and after my divorce, came to the shocking realization that I also had a painful vaginal reaction to latex. Now that’s pretty much the most depressing thing a woman in her thirties who was determined to embrace sexual chemistry and learn about love and sex could discover. So I got to researching homeopathic ways to care for my unhappy vagina. I came upon COCONUT OIL!
Yes, you can put it on your entire body, use it as a massage oil, it’s good for manual stimulation and certainly adds to the delicious side of oral play. Coconut oil is a heck of a hack.
So what’s the science? Coconut oil is high in three active ingredients (lauric, capric, and caprylic acid), which have antiviral, antimicrobial, and antifungal properties. These compounds target harmful bacteria while leaving friendly bacteria. THUS less inflammation, less irritation, less UTIs and less yeast infections.
We will soon be selling our own Coconut Allover Lube on lovesummers.com – but for now – just go to Trader Joes and get yourself a jar of plain old coconut oil and try it out!
Happy Vagina – Happy You!
Now, this has one major caveat. DO NOT — USE COCONUT OIL IF YOU ARE USING LATEX OR POLYISOPRENE CONDOMS FOR STI PROTECTION OR PREGNANCY PREVENTION. It will degrade the condoms and reduce efficacy. So please be careful with that.
Sexy Love Hack Number 3 is to Play Kissing Games
I hear from a lot of couples that they wished they kissed more. Remember back when you had that first kiss together? The moment when your knees buckled and your heart leapt? Let’s recreate that as often as possible. Kissing is something we can very easily forget to do, so here’s how you can prioritize it.
Every single day, put a reminder on your phone to kiss your lover for 2 to 4 minutes. Yep, that’s it. It will drive up your energy, your passion and your intimacy. Make a game out of it so you can learn how to kiss better.
One of my favorite is simply alternating kissing each other’s lower lip.
Spend one minute kissing just your partner’s lower lip. Explore it with your lips, your tongue, you can certainly gently bite it as well. Then after a minute, switch. Let your partner explore yours. When you are exploring, you are in charge, you are teaching your partner how you want to be kissed. When you are not in charge and your lip is being explored, it’s your turn to inhale and observe what they are telling you. Gently breathe together and get in sync kissing.
The science behind it is pretty simple. Cortisol, a stress hormone reduces when we kiss. The more you kiss, the less stress you will feel, the closer you will be to your lover.
Sexy Love Hack #3 – pucker up lovers!
Sexy Love Hack Number Four – Make Eye Contact & Hold It
Have you ever wondered just how you can get lost in someone’s eyes? When we look deeply into one another’s eyes, we cannot help but feel closer. Well it’s this fascinating thing called opia and even if you aren’t feeling intimate, it can stir up some fascinating and scintillating senses. I came across an article that outlined the precise definition:
Opia: This is the name given to the intense feeling of invasive arousal that one feels when engaging in mutual gaze—making direct eye contact with someone else. A great deal of research has been done on eye contact (see here), and it is well established that eye contact can be arousing.
Take between two and five minutes to look into one another’s eyes. At first you might feel strange, you might giggle, you might want to look away, but return your gaze to one another and look deep into their eyes. Watch the emotion in your partner’s expression as their eyes change from curiosity, to hilarity, to passion, to kindness and perhaps even overwhelming love.
Go for it. Look into one another’s eyes and see what comes next.
And our last love hack is a pretty clean one…. Shower Together
Now, this is NOT what you are thinking. I actually do NOT want you to have shower sex. We’ll talk more about that in a future show. This is about showering together and having a conversation while in the warmth of the shower. It’s about being naked, warm and cared for together.
Life gets so busy and we forget to sometimes just connect. Well the shower is one very simple way to do it. You’ve gotta bathe right?
There’s science behind why your greatest ideas come to you in the shower and it’s because you are relaxed and zoned out – dopamine plus alpha waves combine together for the perfect creation flow. If you add in your partner, then together your brains and bodies will join in a peaceful flow.
My husband and I shower together as often as possible. Simply put, it is a gently vulnerable and warm place for us to unwind together.
And that’s it love tribe! Those are the five Sexy Love Hacks you need in your life.
- Sleep Naked
- Use Coconut Oil
- Play Kissing Games
- Make Eye Contact
- And Shower Together!
Thanks for joining LOVEGASM. You can follow me on twitter at SummersMcKay and check out Summers Love Company on Facebook for more great LOVEGASM advice and to tell us what you want to learn about! It’s my job to help you Make Love More and Make Love Better. See you next time!